believe it or not, these happened today, this morning, June 26.
it started with the time when our quiz in math ended. i was aiming for a perfect score but classmates compared answers immediately and i just realized that i got a wrong answer in the last item simply because i wasn't able to shade the feasible region! and i was frustrated, disappointed, downed, and angry at myself because i am the only one to blame after all. so those negative feelings were masked by super embarrassing moments that happened in within the span of 2 hours (from 10am-12nn)
you see, since i was frustrated, i was not listening to our next and last class for the day. sure, i hear him say stuff and things are still processing inside my head. so when the question was easy enough for me to answer at my current state of mind, i decided to recite. i was ready to say the correct answer and i did but there was a follow-up question that i wasn't prepared for. so i just replied with a very captain obvious answer which was coupled with a laugh and i looked really crazy. it was embarrassing even more when i wasn't over and dine with the situation -- still, i was laughing on my chair but not for long because i didn't want the teacher to get mad. it was a good thing that our teacher wasn't that strict with behavior. else, i could have been scolded which is even more embarrassing.
so class was over. i ranted about our math quiz to my friends who were waiting for me outside the classroom, along the hallway. i was super upset and disappointed that i was stomping my feet as i walked with friends along the hall -- because we were going to visit other friends waiting for us in front of their classroom. as they walked and i was still stomping, i bumped on a trashcan in the corner and if there was no trash can there, i would have definitely bumped onto the wall. and what added to the embarrassment was my teacher saw me do the bumping thing, and it was super embarrassing because i think my teacher knows me by face and we just saw each other during the class' first period this morning. it was fine if only my friends saw it because it'd be totally funny, but this one was totally EMBARRASSING!
then we, my friends and i ate lunch at the usual small-time fast food where we eat almost all the time. and i was asked by the lady serving food if i was going to take-out the food or was i going to dine-in. and a funny reply that i loudly said was TAKE-IN! and it was again if my friend was the only one who heard it and laughed that i said it but what makes this embarrassing was the fact that even the lady serving and the other customers laughed! and it was super funny because it was an extended effect of that math quiz which was pointed out again by my friend.
but that wasn't the end. i still had one last embarrassment that happened at the 11th hour. so i was wearing heels today at school. and we just established that i was eating with my friends. after we ate lunch, we went our separate ways and i called a jeep that i was going to board to go home. i wasn't asking for it but the lady, already sitting in front of the jeep, offered me to sit with her on front -- maybe because i was wearing heels and the lady felt that it would be a hassle for me to walk my way at the back of the jeep. so the last embarrassment was, i was not successful in climbing aboard. it was embarrassing because the lady even helped me to my seat. and the thing that was keeping from successfully climbing aboard was my heels since they were caught up at the edge of the opening of the passenger's seat. it was not as extreme as the others but it was embarrassing because i felt like i didn't have poise and climbing aboard wasn't that easy breezy like the usual.
so in the end, what really happened to me was i wasn't myself 100%. i got careless on the last item in the quiz and i let that carelessness get into me and so the embarrassments happened. i was careless for letting carelessness get in to me. the thing is, i shouldn't be that upset. i should have done better and i should have been careful in the first place. i was just hard on myself, i guess. i let myself down.
i was super sure that i will perfect the quiz and show the teacher that i have some math talent here that she doesn't know of since she has not seen it yet even though this is the third semester that she will be teaching the class that i am part of for the school year. she only saw, so far, my carelessness. and i was SUPPOSE to prove to her that i was, and still am and will always be a Math genius. i was disappointed at myself because this quiz was SUPPOSE to be the start of my redemption. but i failed myself. i wasn't good enough. i was overpowered of the thought i have to impress her and i have to make sure that her impression of me changes and the thing that will make those happen is if i perfect every seat work, homework, quiz and exam that she will give to our class.i was gonna do just that and i failed at first step because i was not careful.
now, i am, of course, at home, reflecting on these happenings this morning. i guess i have forgiven myself if and only if i get to perfect the next thing she wants us to solve.
from the first day of school this semester, i always told myself: "IT' IS ON bt-chess!"
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