wow! wait. i just copied the link of my previous post about feeling down because of some irritating and jealous feelings. this post will be like a follow up on that.
this is the link: i-am-down-down-down-down-down that is the title of the post that i had. it is best to read it before continuing with this new post that i am going to make.
it starts with this.
a month after my 18th birthday...
ME: this is so irritating blah blah blah ... because i don't want to be part of this blah blah blah ... how come it never happens to me blah blah blah ... every single year, they do this to a friend and not thinking of doing it to me blah blah blah ...
i never wanted any gifts and just one special gift is fine but i never got both, the simple special gift and the 'any' gifts from my friends in elementary or in high school. i was jealous of other friends who end up with either or both of the simple special gift and 'any' gifts from friends.
you see, before, i always think that "hey! i want to be part of this because she is my friend too and i think that it would be really nice to be part of something simple yet special gift from all of us who are her friends." i myself did think of doing something special for a friend but it ends up that they thought and acted on it before i did. so, i just went on with their plans of surprising a friend on her birthday.
but then, a month after my 18th birthday, i realized that "hey! it has been 18 years and throughout those years, i have been part of something big for a friend but i was never the one who is "for a friend". how come i am always one of those who is "part of something big"?" -- i just read this paragraph and i think it's a bit complicated but i guess you readers can go back and analyze what i'm trying to say :D
so i was irritated of the thought i am once again part of something big but not the one who is for a friend. i just turned 18. i thought deep and started to realize many things already. i was in the process of thinking my life through ever since i gained consciousness and knowledge about the world.
it has been quite some time that passed. i celebrated my 18 and half year with my college friends. i treated them with Shakey's party pack -- something like that. it had two 8-slice pizzas, two pastas, and ten pieces of fried chicken in a bucket that came with a number of mojos enough for every one int he group (we are originally nine in the group but three friends weren't able to make it so we were six). we had drinks like cola and a liquor (or was it tequila in particular? i forget). it was fun! we played cards. i got little tipsy and dizzy. i peed in sweat pants that i was wearing. every one was confessing about things that we were guilty about. there were secrets and hidden feelings that let out. and of course, we had a sleepover in our friend's house near our school. overall, it was an experience to remember in my whole 18 years of existence.
but you see, when we celebrated, it was also for our first-semester-has-ended party. it was last October 8, friday? wait, i'll check the calendar... oops! it was last October 7, Friday. a week from my real 18 and a half birthday. i was planning to celebrate it with my best friend but it was still a day of her exams so, it was cool. she made up by calling me on over the phone the day after her last day in school for the semester. and that was last October 18, Tuesday, the day after my parents' 19th wedding anniversary. we talked on the phone about stuff that best friends talk about. it was our bonding day on the phone. but even if it was just on the phone it was awesome since i was talking to my best friend and we were having fun! :D and i couldn't forget, she was the first one person to greet me a Happy Brithday on my 18th. she texted me at midnight and it was my first text and birthday greeting of the day! :)
and because of that, i wanted to visit her in her school but failed and i wanted to be her first greeter for her birthday but failed again. failed on so many things but i did something that was a success. i made her cry on her birthday bash! :)) i think that i was the only one who was able to do that and i guess that it was something special that i did for her :PPP
now, with all that in mind and with all those that i experienced, i forgot about the irritating and jealous feelings and thoughts that i had. i was totally over them. i moved on.
and then came this class Christmas party last December 16, Friday morning. i was shocked! surprise even! full of joy! i thought that it was super inappropriate to cry so i didn't even think about doing it and it never crossed my mind because what happened that morning was only in my dreams. it wasn't as grand as i thought it in my dreams. but it was a something to remember. it was a first in my life. and yes. i am this happy that i am blogging about it. it may sound shallow but that is just the way i am.shallow which is the reason why my best friend's text was already a big thing of present for me and why the mere presence of my little cousin was enough to make my birthday happy. the same reason why i never got one of those simple special or 'any' gifts from friends. because i was shallow and i wouldn't want attention because of my birthday.
but you see, some people understand. they understand that i was shallow and even the simplest of things can please or sadden me.
so you're asking now, why? what happened? why is this Deejey saying these things?
well... they, my college best friends (best friends means not all of the 8 of my friends that are part of my group of closest friends in college), thought of doing the thing that i was jealous and irritated about when i was on the other side of the fence.
they gave me a simple special gift that they funded all together. they freaking surprised me during the class' Christmas party. they sang Happy Birthday for me and then of course gave me my present! the present was simple yet special. it was a new deck of cards! they know that i play cards and i even play cards with them during our free times. it was simple because it was just a deck of cards. but what made it special was that they thought of it and they thought of me and the cards weren't the ordinary kind. it had a different color. instead of the background being white, it ahd black instead. and it was indeed special because before, my college best friends talked about cards that had different colors other than white background. we talked about how it was more expensive than the famous casino card deck sold in the grocery cashiers. it was unforgettable! i never thought that what we were talking about was the thing that i will be getting as my 18th-birthday present! it was the only tangible present that i got from friends.
when they gave their gift to me, i thought "my high school friends didn't even think of doing something like this for me for my 18th birthday." at least my best friend did something. but my other friends in highschool? well they greeted me alright. via SMS and facebook. well, those are might as well birthday gifts, right? but i felt more loved because of what my college best friends did. i mean, i felt the love from my best friend, i always do. she always gets to tolerate my annoying and irritating characteristics. and i always appreciate her especially when she understands all the time even though i am sometimes unreasonable. i feel her love most especially when she forgives me in times when i do silly and stupid things to her. So, i don't expect anything from her because she does things to me that i don't think anyone can do; and that is to stick with me as her best friend even though i cancel out on the times when we are suppose to see each other or even though i don't visit her house or her school.
what was touching with my best friedn is she never misses out on putting in her Christmas message the lines: i miss you or i love you. that's amazing, right?
the thing is, before, i only felt the love of my best friend, but now, i have felt love from more people; and they are my college best friends.
all in all, i am SURPRISED!!! :D surprised for what my best friends can do for me, may it be my best friend or my college best friends. and i am happy and proud to call them all my best friends. :DDD
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