benefits forgone = opportunity cost

that's how my cost accounting professor defined opportunity cost -- benefits forgone :)

and now, it is super applicable more than ever!

the benefits forgone

today, i was suppose to be buying tickets with classmates for the Semi-finals game this Saturday, September 29 (UST vs. NU). but my friend texted me that we should instead watch our friends' general assembly, because we weren't able to buy Patron seats tickets and two of our friends who supposedly will be watching the game with us aren't sure if they are gonna get a permission to attend their class in the evening instead of having it in the afternoon. before receiving that text from her and since i was desperate to watch the game this Saturday, i chatted my classmate who i saw posting on facebook that he, together with 2 other classmates of ours, are gonna watch the game! my want to watch the game was overwhelming that asked that classmate if i can join him and two other classmates to watch the game! they all said yes and i was relieved... until, my friend texted me to watch the general assembly instead. so i was not feeling comfortable with the idea that i will be watching the game not with my friends but with classmates. and i felt super bad that i would be watching the game live and they wouldn't even though they wanted to watch as well. so awhile ago, an hour before we got dismissed in our last class, i asked for an advice from two of my trusted friends who are also my classmates. i asked what would they prioritize, their want or their time with friends? the other said i should pick my want because it is what i want anyway. and the other, who i trust even more, said that i should watch the GA because these are my friends and there will be more games to come. that friend of mine who i trusted even more knows that i super want to watch these games live and her knowing that part of me and advising what she had advised helped me in deciding not to watch to game and watch the GA instead :D

now, that i got home from school, i chatted a classmate who was one of those who i was suppose to watch the game. i asked if they were able to buy tickets.. and she said yes! and i was half disappointed and like part of me died because i super wanted to watch the game and this could be the last game for our school's team if they lose. but what made me feel better was the thought that i will be with my best buddies in college who i consider as part of my many best friends and i will be there to support them in their performances! :D

so i am still happy whatsoever. the benefit of watching the game live can't replace a guilt-free feeling that i am with my friends and i am gonna be happy with them :D

the cost of the opportunity to watch the last game of the month live is less than the good vibes that i get when i am with my friends doing that one thing that i always do best: supporting them :D

TIMELINE MADNESS!!!

it's official. I JUST GOT TIMELINED!!! it's very sad because i was the last wall-user in my group of friends called HIgh Fashion. and i was very careful not to click the "Get Timeline" button. and I SWEAR! and i never swear, this would be my first  and last, I DID NOT press that button!

what happened was i logged in to facebook before going to the school library to study for our last 2 exams for our prelims this first semester. i used Google Chrome and didn't logged out because that's how i always did it on Mozilla (just happen to click Google Chrome first before Mozilla). then when i got back from school and checked on facebook, a banner SUDDENLY appeared on top of my screen and said that I AM USING TIMELINE!! and i was shocked and my mood went down a little (in a very shallow way).

then i took the tour to timeline anyway. i mean, i have to get used to it eventually so i took the liberty of taking a tour. then there was "actually" something good that i can get from this timeline! and that is to change or design my timeline cover! :D

so i guess i have to deal with it and just accept it since i can't change it back to my wall.

like what Walt Disney said, i must "Keep Moving Forward" no matter what happens :D

good night! imma sleep already :)

on the bright side

if you see majority of fellow Filipinos seen on cam on the news, they still managed to cast a smile on their faces despite the storm.

and i still get updates from my friends so i know they're safe.

and my family is complete at home right now. mom and dad didn't go to work due to heavy rains this morning, and my brother has suspended classes. i don't have an exam today so didn't have to go to school even if there is no rain. but school got suspended anyway.

and house is not flooded. it never does get flooded. just blessed that this is where i live on this particular location where no matter how flooded its close by streets are, it still doesn't get flooded.

still #PrayForThePhilippines and pray for other Filipinos who are in locations that are flooded and in state of calamity.

it's pouring hard!

the rain is. and flood, flood everywhere.

my school is an ocean again.

everyone's in state of depression.

sad day.

don't have any energy to study for major exams...

#PrayForThePhilippines

What My Name Says About Me

this app in facebook just scared the hell out of me because it was too accurate :DD

it's because it is true. i do sometimes or most of the times because i have to say, i kind of or really sometimes judge a book by its cover. it's because it is inevitable. i notice even the smallest details that i can't possibly just bottle up all those tiny details or else i might explode! hehe. just kidding. i won't explode. i'm not even half fat.

about the second sentence, i do need to do that. because most of the times or maybe a couple of times, i suffer because at those times, i don't even think about my own feelings. because sometimes, i'm too nice which is bad. because of this, there are times when i give the last one i have and end up with nothing.

and the last sentence is super true! i have been facing so many challenges. i am currently challenged to regret nothing and just be happy with what i have now. i guess i feel bitter about one thing. that one thing is something that i always thought that i have moved on from. it's about being admitted at the country's state university.

you see, since i am the eldest, just like the science experiments, i am the experimental variable that is to be tested to see if a theory is correct. this means that if they believe in this, and wonder if it applies to this, i am the one who gets experimented with. (you get it, right. i don't have to elaborate on this) anyway, so since that is always the case, sometimes, it is a good thing that i was first to try so i will be the FIRST to experience it. but most of the times, it is a bad thing because as we all know, when we do trial and error method, there is a very high probability that we will get a wrong answer. that is me. whenever my parents experience something new, because of the advancement that is occurring in our generation, they try whatever it is that they think is the right way on me. which sucks. because most of the times, they get the negative results from me and so to avoid the same mistake, they already know what to do and my younger brother gets the positive results. thing is, there is a review center that can help you to pass the state university's entrance exam. so, since my parents are like: that's too expensive for a review center and the review center itself is far from home and you are a girl. even if you passed, you can't go anyway because it is too far and we can't let you live in a dorm. that's what they said.

and so, in short, i didn't even try to give effort into passing the entrance exam of the state university. because i knew of these things that my parents had to say and i was discouraged... NOT! i didn't have hope anyway. in the first place, i reviewed for entrance exams in my high school itself. and they lack in the topics that have to be reviewed for the exam. and the environment was so lax! didn't have motivation. in the review center, they had quizzes once every meeting. no wonder! tsk. so i am bitter. only when the subject comes up the surface. and i am not afraid to tell my parents face to face that i do regret not being able to pass the state university's entrance exam. because i told them that my friends from high school are offering me to be part of a bundle that has a lower fee but at the same time has the right things to teach for entrance exams. but they refused. told me that it was expensive and the review is far. but remembered clearly that i told them that i was going to the center with a friend who lives nearby. so, i was and still am and will be the trial child :(( as long as i'm still studying and there are still upcoming advancements, i will always be the trial child.

and the sad part is that i am still happy about the fact that my brother was able to pass the state university's entrance exam. i pretend that i am ok and not jealous at my brother. yeah sure. why shouldn't i be happy? i was the one who brought him to the review center and had to wait there for 5 hours until his review is done for the day. why wait for that long? well, i am not familiar with the place, so i don't know how to go about it. but it doesn't matter because he passed! :D and all my waiting was worth it. since i am bitter about that, all i can be happy about is that i am having fun right now in the university that i am going to because of my awesome best friends. another thing that i can be happy about and forget about that bitterness is that my brother just passed that freaking entrance exam! hayzzz... i want to feel what he feels right now because whether i like it or not he has a lot of bragging rights with him right now. he just passed freaking state university where all the graduates don't have to apply for job because those job will have to fight for you.

now, aside from no having an edge since i am not studying in the state university, i still have to put a lot of effort so jobs will fight for me as well. about that, i think my chances of experiencing that is lessened since i will be taking the retention exam this summer. that's right. i screwed up the first semester but i passed; i just wasn't able to reach the minimum grade to have to not take the retention exam. so, yeah.

because of all of this,  i am working my butt off! ........ NOT REALLY! well, at least not always. but whenever there is something to be done for school, i always feel like giving it more than my all.  and since the tuition fee is more than twice of the state university's, i am obliged to show my parents that i am worth it. that is what i have to put up with since i didn't pass the state university's entrance exam. i have to prove myself. i have to be positive. i have to reach a goal that is SUPER DUPER HIGH! almost impossible to reach is what i say. but there is a probability to reach if i give super duper extra effort.

talk about myself! i guess i am an expert when it comes to myself. i mean, if there is anyone who knows me the best, it's only me and God. even, God knows me more than i know myself. so He knows what i am capable of. and He won't give me any challenge that i can't surpass with flying colors. that is why, i am not losing hope. even when i knew i wasn't going to study in the state university, i had the last drop of hope in me. there was little hope but i still had hope. and i guess part of me was to be blamed. i guess since i had little hope, i didn't give it my all... or did i. all i know is that i answered the exam with everything that i know. so, perhaps, what i know wasn't enough. i still have to learn. that is why i keep an open mind. if i don't, there is no room for improvement and i will not become a better person.

so that's me. feeling bitter here and then when the topic is surfaced. but truthfully, feeling happy and proud of the fact that my brother made it. and i guess that this is all God's plan and indeed, i am learning from the mistake of not having that much hope. also, since God can see that i am giving my effort now, He gave me awesome friends who help me forget about transferring schools or forget about being bitter of that experience.

i am now feeling much better. well, better since the topic is going to be surfaced for the week since my brother passed and the results just came in yesterday.  so if ever the bitterness starts to show up, i'll just have to think about the awesome things that i have with my college best friends especially the things that happened starting about 6 and a half hours ago and ended 2 hours later that time.

we stayed for 2 hours in our friend's apartment to celebrate the end of preliminary exams for the semester. we had milk tea from Moon Leaf and there wintermelon with pudding is good. music played in my friend's room and we were singing and dancing and laughing about past experiences which are of course funny to imitate :))) especially the one that i did in the library. that is another story but really, i love my friends. they make my day :D

and oh yeah! i told three of them about this blog's site and maybe they'll read this so, HI FRIENDS! :D

and that is what my name says about me. A LOT! it says so much that it was too accurate. and because it was accurate and precise as well, i was able to reflect about myself and come to accept that this is me and somehow i guess i have to change my down sides and strengthen my up sides, learn from my mistakes and rejoice from the right things i do, and avoid to revenge and regret and remember to always forgive and forget like i always do :D

i'm out! PEACE! :D CONGRATZ TO MY BROTHERHOOD! :DDDD

my best friends :D

wow! wait. i just copied the link of my previous post about feeling down because of some irritating and jealous feelings. this post will be like a follow up on that.

this is the link: i-am-down-down-down-down-down that is the title of the post that i had. it is best to read it before continuing with this new post that i am going to make.

it starts with this.

a month after my 18th birthday...

ME: this is so irritating blah blah blah ... because i don't want to be part of this blah blah blah ... how come it never happens to  me blah blah blah ... every single year, they do this to a friend and not thinking of doing it to me blah blah blah ...

i never wanted any gifts and just one special gift is fine but i never got both, the simple special gift and the 'any' gifts from my friends in elementary or in high school. i was jealous of other friends who end up with either or both of the simple special gift and 'any' gifts from friends.

you see, before, i always think that "hey! i want to be part of this because she is my friend too and i think that it would be really nice to be part of something simple yet special gift from all of us who are her friends." i myself did think of doing something special for a friend but it ends up that they thought and acted on it before i did. so, i just went on with their plans of surprising a friend on her birthday.

but then, a month after my 18th birthday, i realized that "hey! it has been 18 years and throughout those years, i have been part of something big for a friend but i was never the one who is "for a friend". how come i am always one of those who is "part of something big"?" -- i just read this paragraph and i think it's a bit complicated but i guess you readers can go back and analyze what i'm trying to say :D

so i was irritated of the thought i am once again part of something big but not the one who is for a friend. i just turned 18. i thought deep and started to realize many things already. i was in the process of thinking my life through ever since i gained consciousness and knowledge about the world.

it has been quite some time that passed. i celebrated my 18 and half year with my college friends. i treated them with Shakey's party pack -- something like that. it had two 8-slice pizzas, two pastas, and ten pieces of fried chicken in a bucket that came with a number of mojos enough for every one int he group (we are originally nine in the group but three friends weren't able to make it so we were six). we had drinks like cola and a liquor (or was it tequila in particular? i forget). it was fun! we played cards. i got little tipsy and dizzy. i peed in sweat pants that i was wearing. every one was confessing about things that we were guilty about. there were secrets and hidden feelings that let out. and of course, we had a sleepover in our friend's house near our school. overall, it was an experience to remember in my whole 18 years of existence.

but you see, when we celebrated, it was also for our first-semester-has-ended party. it was last October 8, friday? wait, i'll check the calendar... oops! it was last October 7, Friday. a week from my real 18 and a half birthday. i was planning to celebrate it with my best friend but it was still a day of her exams so, it was cool. she made up by calling me on over the phone the day after her last day in school for the semester. and that was last October 18, Tuesday, the day after my parents' 19th wedding anniversary. we talked on the phone about stuff that best friends talk about. it was our bonding day on the phone. but even if it was just on the phone it was awesome since i was talking to my best friend and we were having fun! :D and i couldn't forget, she was the first one person to greet me a Happy Brithday on my 18th. she texted me at midnight and it was my first text and birthday greeting of the day! :)

and because of that, i wanted to visit her in her school but failed and i wanted to be her first greeter for her birthday but failed again. failed on so many things but i did something that was a success. i made her cry on her birthday bash! :)) i think that i was the only one who was able to do that and i guess that it was something special that i did for her  :PPP

now, with all that in mind and with all those that i experienced, i forgot about the irritating and jealous feelings and thoughts that i had. i was totally over them. i moved on.

and then came this class Christmas party last December 16, Friday morning. i was shocked! surprise even! full of joy! i thought that it was super inappropriate to cry so i didn't even think about doing it and it never crossed my mind because what happened that morning was only in my dreams. it wasn't as grand as i thought it in my dreams. but it was a something to remember. it was a first in my life. and yes. i am this happy that i am blogging about it. it may sound shallow but that is just the way i am.shallow which is the reason why my best friend's text was already a big thing of present for me and why the mere presence of my little cousin was enough to make my birthday happy. the same reason why i never got one of those simple special or 'any' gifts from friends. because i was shallow and i wouldn't want attention because of my birthday.

but you see, some people understand. they understand that i was shallow and even the simplest of things can please or sadden me.

so you're asking now, why? what happened? why is this Deejey saying these things?

well... they, my college best friends (best friends means not all of the 8 of my friends that are part of my group of closest friends in college), thought of doing the thing that i was jealous and irritated about when i was on the other side of the fence.

they gave me a simple special gift that they funded all together. they freaking surprised me during the class' Christmas party. they sang Happy Birthday for me and then of course gave me my present! the present was simple yet special. it was  a new deck of cards! they know that i play cards and i even play cards with them during our free times. it was simple because it was just a deck of cards. but what made it special was that they thought of it and they thought of me and the cards weren't the ordinary kind. it had a different color. instead of the background being white, it ahd black instead. and it was indeed special because before, my college best friends talked about cards that had different colors other than white background. we talked about how it was more expensive than the famous casino card deck sold in the grocery cashiers. it was unforgettable! i never thought that what we were talking about was the thing that i will be getting as my 18th-birthday present! it was the only tangible present that i got from friends.

when they gave their gift to me, i thought "my high school friends didn't even think of doing something like this for me for my 18th birthday." at least my best friend did something. but my other friends in highschool? well they greeted me alright. via SMS and facebook. well, those are might as well birthday gifts, right? but i felt more loved because of what my college best friends did. i mean, i felt the love from my best friend, i always do. she always gets to tolerate my annoying and irritating characteristics. and i always appreciate her especially when she understands all the time even though i am sometimes unreasonable. i feel her love most especially when she forgives me in times when i do silly and stupid things to her. So, i don't expect anything from her because she does things to me that i don't think anyone can do; and that is to stick with me as her best friend even though i cancel out on the times when we are suppose to see each other or even though i don't visit her house or her school.

what was touching with my best friedn is she never misses out on putting in her Christmas message the lines: i miss you or i love you. that's amazing, right?

the thing is, before, i only felt the love of my best friend, but now, i have felt love from more people; and they are my college best friends.

all in all, i am SURPRISED!!! :D surprised for what my best friends can do for me, may it be my best friend or my college best friends. and i am happy and proud to call them all my best friends. :DDD

Time to get serious

I have to study really hard for this year because this the year when we'll know whether I am going to be in the course that I want or not. The thing is, there is a problem on how my best friend and I are going home after we watch Miley Cyrus' concert this Friday. I just hope our friend who is also going to the concert agrees to drop me and my best friend to our respective homes. If not then I can't go to the concert. The thing is, my best friend and I already bought tickets for the concert and we can't possibly refund those tickets. Arrrrrgggg!!!!! I just hope someone would drive us home..... The connection of his in getting serious is I won't allow myself to lose my parents' trusts. If I do then they won't trust me with anything anymore in the future. I don't want that. It's time to be mature because being serious means being mature. I have to show them that I am a responsible daughter who is reliable and is acting on her age. I have to admit that I am already an adult and being an adult means being serious and mature. I hope this will turn out good and I hope my dad will not get mad at me. If he gets mad, then definitely, I am screwed up.

i am down down down down down...

psh. kainis!

this is so irritating.

why do i have o be part of something that i don't like?

two friends of mine are going to give a surprise gift for our friend's 18th birthday this month of May.

it's irritating because they have not done anything like that for me when i had my 18th birthday last month April. IT'S UNFAIR! so i didn't want to take any part of it. we were suppose to do it for her but i forgot about it over the weekend so we haven't planned anything... at least nothing that i am aware of. anyway, if they did got her that present, then it's fine with me. it doesn't matter.

it's disappointing in general. i don't get to have really BIG greeting cards or videos for me or some stuff or anything that alot of people have put together for my birthday. that's why, i always feel jealous whenever i see BIG cards signed by classmates for another classmate's birthday or see them make a video for a friend's birthday or see a friend receiving an awesome gift from a her really close friend or see people make plans for a surprise party for a friend's birthday.

honestly, i didn't feel like this before since i felt like i didn't need anything like those for my birthday. besides, my birthday is on the summer vacation. but that doesn't mean they can't think of those things for me. if they really are my friends then it will cross their minds that a friend's birthday is coming and how about a memorable way to celebrate it.

i just felt like this suddenly when i realised that things are getting unfair. i signed some of those really BIG cards that passes me in the classroom, and i am willing to be part of any surprise parties for a friend, and i am suppose to be in a video presentation for a friend's birthday but didn't want to be part of it because i realised that why would i do something like this when i don't even get one of these for my birthday?????

i have decided not to sign any really BIG cards for anyone's birthday except if it were for my best friend or any family member. if ever i'm going to be part of a surprise party, i guess i have no choice but to come unless i'm not really close to the dude or dudette then i am not coming.

and then, there is always a part of me that says otherwise.

it seems like my friends don't see me as someone to be given these things on my birthday. it seems like these things don't fit me and my personality.

but that's just me. i don't really know what they think of me. i wish i knew why they don't think about giving me those things for my birthday.

hay... maybe it's me. what is it about me that makes them not do those things? don't i deserve to have or experience to have one of those things???

DO I SCARE THEM??

:((

listening to: "This Is Our Someday" by Big Time Rush

the hollow

before, i didn't bother to listen the news when it talked about civilian people killed because of whatever. this is because thought to myself that i don't know these people killed, so why bother spend electricity on them when i turn on the tv. but now, this is the second time that i know the persons involved in a civilian tragedy. the first one was parents of a friend. this second one happened to be a co-member of mine in our HS club called mathletes. we aren't close but we had are times together solving unbelievable math problems. so, it's a big loss because she is smart and she could be someone better in the future. it's just too early.

it seems that many people that i know and i hold dear are passing away nowadays. it's just sad that in reality, these things really do happen. there is such thing as death and no one can escape it. when it comes, no one can stop it. and when it is there already, no one can complain.

hay... i hope to let the rest of my family and friends stay longer than this year. let them be with me for about at least when i can feed myself, when i can help them on my own.

now, i just want to pray for them.

Eternal rest grant unto them oh Lord, and let Perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. AMEN!

Because i had a sad day

today is not the worst but not the best day either.

so many things that i wished didn't happen today.

but i never thought that something even sad has happened 4 hours ago.

i'm telling what happened four hours ago, it's too personal.

anyway, i am now SHOCKED

up and down

after all the excitement, there is always a downside.

Excitement

i went to Island Cove yesterday with my mother and my brother! it was UBER FUN, most especially the WATER PARK! i spent the morning with my brother. we first went to the zoo. we got scared, a little bit, going through all the animals because some didn't have cages and we were afraid that a snake would attack us from the trees on the side of the walking area. so we didn't quite enjoyed that but it was a an experience of muddy and rocky roads. then we went to the fishing park. there many cottages and you can eat in them. you can also fish while in that park for PhP100 only but if you have your own rod, you can just pay PhP50. we tried fishing but unfortunately we weren't able to catch any. so we went next to the Water Park! we had to wear something that doesn't have any sleeves and isn't made of denim or else, we won't be allowed in the pool. when we're done changing, we headed straight in the pool! we dived, swam, and went for some sliding experience! the water in the pool had chlorine so we had red eyes during and after we went for a swim. we slid 4 times! and jumped into the pool a lot of times; and we even got the chance to touch the floor of the pool! :D the last food--palabok with puto and Lipton tea-- that we ate in the cove was the best if i were to compare it with the breakfast and lunch that were offered to us. before we went home, my brother and I got to see my mom's office! it was NICE! :D when we got home, it was time for dinner. we had a delivery of box of six from KFC. when it was time for bed, we had a good night sleep! :D

Downside

so we had fun and all but there were some things that were unavoidable. first of all, i accidentally lost my iPod in the bus that we took when we went to Island Cove. Second, it was my High School's Annual Family Day and i wasn't able to bond with my best friend before she left today to Hong Kong. Third, my brother had bruises on his pointing fingers as souvenirs from the cove. Fourth, I LOST MY iPOD IN THE BUS TO THE COVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that was not just an iPOD, it was from my dear cousin! OH MAN! FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE LOST, IT HAD TO BE MY iPOD! EVEN THOUGH IT WAS JUST AN iPOD SHUFFLE, I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

another one of those sadness and happiness stuff

i got my Laptop yesterday on my parents' 18th Anniversary! YAHOO!!!!!!

it's mine but everyone in the family gets to use it.

it's only fair for them to do that because i wasn't the one who bought it and it wasn't my money. i was with them waiting for the dude to install everything that's necessary for the laptop.

also, they helped me pick up the rightful mouse for my laptop.

now that i have a laptop, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH DOUGH TO FULLY PAY FOR MY TUITION FEE!!!

anyway, that's the current problem and i don't know if my parents thought of the thing called "installment payment". if ever that term hasn't cross their minds yet, then i'll have to remind them about it.

K! that's all for now! :D

i feel a heart attack coming!!!

AAAAHHHH!!!! being a Physics leader is SUCKS!!! like everything is your freaking responsibility!

let me explain.

the group report sheets were given back last friday tot he group leaders. but then, i only got two sheets back and neither of the two are our group's data sheets. and what's worse is that tomorrow is the freaking submission day. and i won't be able to submit our report because i have nothing to revise.

I DIDN'T GET THE GROUP'S DATA SHEET BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


now what?

i am the worst leader in the school. i wish that i wasn't an Outstanding Student of the fourth quarter, last school year.

what really kills me is that not only am i freaking out about not passing the data sheets on time but i am also freaking out about tomorrow's interschool competition that i will be participating in.

first of all, i have to admit the fact that i only answered like a hundreth of all the review materials that were given to us, Mathletes.

second, i don't have enough knowledge and logic to answer the questions in the competition.

third, i am a total mess. i ahve many things to think about. i won't be able to focus on tomorrow's competition.

AYAYAY! MAMAMIAH! HELP ME!!!

i still have to finish my short story in Filipino which is what i am currently doing.

so, we'll see what's going to happen tomorrow.

STUPID CRAP THAT I REGRET I EVER DID!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

I AM THE WORST FRIEND EVER!!!

you won't believe want happened today!

and i don't blame whoever reads this if he/she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore because what i'll saying now will be something stupid a friend would do to his/her best friend...

details later...

i still have to prepare my stuff for tomorrow...

I"M GONNA END UP ON THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL!!!

that's not even a surprise at all...

It's better late than never!

yo! It's the 5th of July and i know that it has been three days since my bestie's sweet sixteen birthday... it is so not worth it for her to call me her best friend since i have not given her any gifts nor anything special... it was very embarrassing for my best friend because our other friend had something special for her 16TH birthday!!! and my thoughts were like-- this is so unfair... i am the best friend and i have nothing special for my bestie on her sweet sixteenth birthday!!!!

I FEEL STUPID AND WORTHLESS!!!!!

anyway, i know that i was, am, and will be over reacting because of this. you see, when it comes to things like celebrations for special occasions, i am very active. that means, there is no way i will not do something special for the person celebrating especially when that person is very dear to me.

so now, i finding time to buy a my best friend a very special birthday card and fill it up when i have enough time. i will devote a day in writing on the card. even if it takes me till Sem break or christmas break to do it (because those are the only time, probably, that i won't be doing anything for school...

that's it!

by the way, just so you know, i even cried during the morning of her birthday for the reason that i wasn't the one to greet her a happy birthday on that day (i was planning to call her house before i leave for school but i thought that she has left her house already so i wasn't able to do that...)

i hope she still would accept my card even though her birthday was last July 2, 2009...

:(

Things-that-happened-before-Summer Recap

Mode: I don't know...
Currently listening to: Summertime - The Click Five

yo! It has been a long time. No updates yet. Maybe there's a few an here it goes...

I don't know the exxact dates so I'll just narrate the things that were happening to me when I was not posting.

Last last last week, I think it was the week of doing alot of requirements like maybe... making the issue analysis, doing the micropaper or writing a formal theme. Or... performing Wayang Kulit, doing the culminating activity in music, or delivering the speech for our symposium. I'm not really sure whether these things happend on the said week but I think some of them happened and were continued last last week or last week. But I am sure that we had our exams last week and had a day rest last Wednesday.

That's what happened at least in general. Here are things that i can't forget until now.

Last Wednesday March 4, 2009, we had our Achievement Tests for the subjects Algebra, English, Chemistry, Filipino, and Geometry (yes, that's right. we had separate tests for Geom and Algeb).

Last Friday March 6, 2009, I had a heart-to-heart talk with the friend who has been the topic for quite some time. I opened up to her and she opened up to me. We shared what we felt, we shared problems to each other (at least that's what I think happened). But even though that happened, i think I will have to live the life I currently had last time since Feb. 2 which was the time when I felt that there was something wrong and the time when I realized that I was being pushed away in so many different ways. ever since that day, when I open my computer, I played the song Pushing Me Away by the JB. It is not mentioned in my posts that I was currently listening to that because that's the only one playing on my playlist. I'll get bored with a song so appropriate that I don't even want to sing or hear it play again. I'm complicated and hard to firgure out sometimes. So just skip the sentence before the sentence before this. Anyway, more on this later.

Last Monday March 9, 2009, a friend told me that the last screening of the Jonas Brothers Burnin' Up Concert in 3D will be on Wednesday March 11, 2009. So I told her that I can't watch it anymore. We were suppose to watch it together in SM North Edsa The Block Cinema 1. Then awhile ago, I read the broadsheet "Manila Bulletin". I saw with my own very eyes the part of the newspaper that read "JONAS BROTHERS IN 3D" on the column of the SM Cinema The Block in bold letters. That means that the movie is still being sreened and shown to the mall. But I believed her when I noticed that all the malls except the The Block were not showing the JB's concert anymore. Now, I still haven't watched it yet and I know that there will be no chance for me to watch it anymore. I asked my mom to allow me to watch the movie while we were in the mall (SM North Edsa) awhile ago. But she didn't allow me no matter how I begged her. When she made up her mind, I didn't have much of a choice but to listen to her and stop begging so she won't get mad at me. I hope it will still be shown until the last week of the month so I still have the chance to ask my other friends to watch the movie with me. The ticket costs Php301.00.

Schedule of our exams last week:

• Monday - Advanced Algebra and Practical Exam in TLE
• Tuesday - Social Studies and Religion
• Wednesday - rest day
• Thursday - Communication Arts in English and Chemistry
• Friday - Geometry and Communication Arts in Filipino

Last Friday March 13, 2009, my two friends and I went to McDonald's retiro to celebrate the last of the school year 2008-2009. We ate of course and talked about different things like college and our pets.

Yesterday, I pretty much didn't do anything. Just lied on the couch turned the television on and changed the channel to either Myx, MTV, Nickelodean, or Disney Channel. Sometimes I check out the channels Star World, Star Movies, HBO, Velvet, LIfestyle Network, Maxxx, Foxcrime, AXN, Animax, ETC, 2nd Avenue and sometimes local channels like ABS-CBN, GMA-7, and QTV. Then I also ate breakfast, lunch, merienda, dinner and midnight snack (I didn't have time for recess since I woke up at 9am).

Today, my brother, my mom, and I went to SM North Edsa. We shecked out the newly built Annex. It was like Trinoma; only it had more gadget stores than shopping stores. Some clothe stores and restaurants were soon to open. The sad part was the Max's restaurant in the main bulding of the mall was closed for renovation. So we didn't have a chance to eat lunch there. We ate lunch at the main building and bought things that need replacements at home and also groceries. Then we went back to Annex to have some merienda. There they, the Annex, had Dairy Queen, Pizza Hut, French Baker, KFC and other new restaurants. Before going home, I bought a new hamster in Bio Research! It was a little disappointing 'cause t hey didn't have a white male hamster anymore. All of them were a half white, half brown. So I got the whitest of them all. Now, we have two hamsters again. More about the hamsters later.

Now, I can feel summer! That's because I can feel the heat. I am also playing pop songs and summertime songs. So if you know other summer songs, just type it/them in on your comments.

That's for now. This post will have to remind me of other things that I will post later or maybe tomorrow.

See ya then!

My Life Sucks A Lot and Rocks A Little

Mood: sad
Currently watching to: Bata, Bata Paano Ka Ginawa

my life sucks in so many ways...

• We have a practice for the Play in Filipino today... And everyone has to attend. I think I'm the only one is not there. I feel like a useless member of the group. The reason why I can't attend is because my mother didn't allow me. Her reason s because my dad texted her and told her that his office is in a brown out situation and the rain is pouring heavily. But here at home, I the rain is is just light and there is no brown out. I had to call my classmate to tell her that I can't come with her on the way to the court where the group is suppose to practice. I feel bad about myself because last night I already told her that my parents agree for me to go to the practice. Now, I feel that tomorrow they will get mad at me. I can see right now the face of my friend who is the leader of the group. She is probably crying or really pist off or really mad at me. I don't think I can show myself to her or to my groupmates tomorrow. I'm scared to death now.
• We have a homework in Filipino about making a summary of all the Chapters of the novel we read, about making Character Analysis on the characters of course, and about their very important dialogues. We are suppose to just write them in our notebooks but unfortunately for me, I forgot my notebook in my locker. I almost forgot, too, about this homework. It's a good thing that my classmate group mailed about if she can print hers instead. That reminded me of the homework. What sucks is that I shouldv'e done the homework two days ago.
• Our Advanced Algebra teacher always gives us advance homework. if we do the a.h., we can get extra points. I always get that kind of homework done the day she gives it. now, I haven't done the most recent one and I haven't finished the last one yet.
• I could've done the advance homework if it weren't for my math notebook, running out of pages. We went to the NBS yesterday and I totally forgot about the stinking notebook. Now, even though I like to start answering the homework, I can't. I still have nowhere to write the answers.

Though it sucks a lot, it rocks a little bit...

• My mom found a way so I can watch "Magnifico" and "Bata, Bata Paano Ka Ginawa?". These are movies that we have to watch individually or in group. These are part of the lessons for us to learn in the Filipino subject. We rented a VCD of Magnifico and a DVD of Bata, Bata yesterday. I finished watching MAgnifico last night. Now, I'm somewhre in the middle of the movie Bata, Bata.
• It's a good thing I didn't come to the practice, too. Now, I have time to finish the movie and do the homework.

That's all! I wish tomorrow will never come...

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

Mood: I feel so pist off!!!
Currently listening to: This Is Me - Demi Lovato

A little thing that anyone should know about me is that I hate secrets especially when they are kept away from me. People with secrets are, in my opinion, insecure. If anyone would know about there secret, they fear that people might not treat them right. But one thing they don't know is that they are supported at all times by those people who care about them.

You see, the thing is, what really hurts is when your friend whom you know more than anyone in a group of new faces, has an experience or story that she is not telling you but is telling to othrs whom she has known for months only. You ask her, "what is it all about" and all she says is "you'll kick my ass if you knew" whatever that is. Because of this, instead both of you are bonded together as friends, you get more and more separated from her since you don't know what's happening in her life and about her. How the heck will you know her better if she doesn't update you when you ask for an update? The part which makes you wish you weren't her frind is when you figure that she is telling her update to another person other you, who asked first.

Everytime the two of you walk together to go to another venue where the class will be held, a classmate approaches and asks if she can borrow your friend for a moment and talk to her about secrets you shouldn't hear that's why they have to be away from you. This leaves you to yourself alone in the corridor going to where the class is suppose to go. If you see a person who you can walk with, other than your friend who is "borrowed away from you", you yourself will find a reason for walking with her so she doesn't feel being used by you since you have no one to walk with.

Another reason why you wish you weren't her friend is because during free period when the teacher is late, you find yourself sitting with her but not talking to her which is the main reason why you seated beside her in the first place. Then you feel like moving a seat away from her because you don't want to see her and the person, who she is talking to, whisper or mouthing what they have to say to each other since it is a secret. Everytime a person talks to her, you have to back off a little so you won't hear what they are talking about. You just look away when they laugh about something you don't even know about.

Then she tells one secret. She also tells you not to tell anyone. You know that she'll get mad when you tell anyone so you keep it a secret. Then you find yourself in a situation where she accidentally blurts it out and tells to the people who heard to not to tell anyone about it. Then one of the people who heard it spreads it out and she doesn't even get mad at that person. Then you think about that situation where you think that what if you were the one who told the secret. You'll think and guess that she won't talk to you for a day and that she won't tell you any more secrets.

And to think that she is suppose to do all of these things with you and that she should be considering you more since both of you had a foundation to your friendship and all that's left is to build it up more so it won't break down into pieces. You don't want your hardwork into building your friendship be put into waste just like that. She doesn't mean to do these things with others instead of you. But the process you are going through and the thoughts that go into your head are holes that can bring down such friendship.

She is friends of course with those she shares secrets with. They very fortunate to know a lot about my friend more than I know her. That's why, because of this realization in life, I have decided to tell my bestfriend about the website of this blog. My bestfriend can judge me in any way she wants. She is my best friend after all. She understands me that's why I have a lot of fun when I'm with her. There is never a boring moment with her. True, there are times when the two of us are out of things to say to each other but being with her makes me happy already. I hpe she feels and thinks the same way. If not, it's fine me too! We don't have secrets from each other. That's why I felt unfair to her because she tells and allows me to visit and read about whatever she writes in her blog and I don't want her to know whatever I post in my blog and won't even tell her mine when I changed the web address.

On Monday, I am ready to tell her my web address and let her read everything in this blog. I'll just tell her not to tell anyone. It will be our own little secret, just the two of us. This a simple kind of revenge that I can think of. It's a bad revenge but it's the one thing I got that my other friend doesn't know about.

What sucks and rocks is that next school year, we will surely make another term paper about a different novel. In our school, we do the term paper as a pair. My partner is my friend who seems to be the topic of this post. Next school year, she surely won't be my partner because she already made arrangements with another classmate. Now, I am forced to pair myself with a classmate who I have been sitting beside ever since my first year in High School. She is the only one I got who is serious yet fun to be with too. It sucks because my friend who the topic is the best in the class and that's something that everyone in the class has to admit. If don't work with her, then I guess my term paper next school year won't be as good as what the two of us are doing now. What rocks is that she doesn't have to boss me around next school year in doing the term paper since she won't be my partner anymore.

It's not fair because I should be knowing her better and getting close to her since I am her friend for three or four years.

Now you know how I am and what I go through during class hours. I only get to hang out with my bestfriend and leave my friend during recess and lunch time.

Writing all fo these things that are trapped and now set free in my head makes me feel a lot better. I feel the best if my best friend would read this post.

So chow for now!

I'll sign in to Yahoo! Messenger to give her an instant message containing the web address of this blog of mine. Some of these are things I already told her.

Something That I Should Have Posted First When I Started My Blog

Mood: Irritated
Currently listening to: Fly On A Wall - Miley Cyrus

I will have to post whatever this one is about soon because I have to sleep now. I'll just edit this when I am going to post the real content of this post.

Goodnight! I hope you read this note because you won't be able to read it anymore when I edit this in the future...

My mood is really sleepy. The mood indicated is just a reminder for that the post about my irritation on something.

That's all! See you then!!!

Mood: amazed to myself, angry
Currently listening to: Love Me or Hate Me - Lady Sovereign

I'm amazed to myself just now because I just helped my brother on his Math homework. It was easy! And when he checked it himself, it was right! How amazing is that?!?

Anyway, there is something I should tell. Before, the first ever web address of this blog is http://afraidtoridearollercoaster.blogspot.com/. Now, I changed it to http://whatrocksandwhatsucks.blogspot.com/ because my best friends found out about this. They weren't suppose to know. It was just last Monday when I got the news about the two of them knew about this. They are not suppose to know because I consider this as my personal diary. I don't want anyone them reading whatever I post in this blog. I won't allow anyone to do so except for my brother because we started wo have a blog at the same time. Anyone whom I don't know yet from anywhere else can totally read this. My reason is I don't want them judging me for what I write in here in my blog. They might hate for this because I only sometimes show them my true feelings about them and about other things. But they do know some of what I post here because they are part of some. Now, They probably have read everything from the start. The sad part is that they didn't even put a single comment. It was disappointing at the same time irritating. I also feel a little embarrassed becuase of some of my posts...

Anyway, I'm going to eat dinner now.

Later!